I am a dreamer by spirit so I envisioned action as a measure to crack the fear of failure and make my dreams come true. However, action in 2015 was fulfilled in my life as simply moving through the chaos of another day; a day where I had no control over my life. Action, as in, it's all about His dreams, and not mine. Action, as in, how to wrap my mind around the fact that I have no real understanding of the scope of His plans, and be willing to step forward in trust.
That kind of action was H.A.R.D. The kind of action where my dreams did not seem valid, or worthwhile, because reality says I had no say in my life, and what happened. The kind of action that released my control, and my dreams to His control, and His dreams for me. That kind of action is real, that kind of action is life changing.
I have absolutely no idea what my life will look like in one month, one year, one decade. And, that scared me. It made me feel lost, and out of control. It made me feel worthless in His eyes and numb. Until, New Year's Eve, when Blue Eyes looked quizzically at The Thinker and said, "So it's official! You are homeless. You are carless. And, you are jobless." Without missing a beat, with frenzied enthusiasm in his voice, he said, "So, 2016 should be great! Because I have no where else to go but up."
Two words have be bouncing around in my soul for the last month and I had no understanding of their meaning until he said those words. Doing and Change. Do is a verb, and by association I often placed doing in the verb context as well. However, doing is a noun that means.... action; performance; execution. And, change is a verb that means... 1. to make the form, nature, content, future course, etc., of (something) different from what it is, or from what it would be if left alone. 2. to transform, or convert
During 2015, I slowly lost the ability to dream. It was painful to continue to dream when all of my dreams had been stripped away. So, I decided to become laissez-faire about it and just let the tides of life take me where they may. But, because I am a dreamer by nature that left me floundering for any sense of balance. Dreams were a way to control my present, and my future. In that control there was no measure for the undercurrent of change. It was my dream, the way I envisioned it, or there was chaos.
Over the last month or so, I somehow traveled the abyss of anger, hopelessness, and sadness to fin that I have come to an acceptance that releasing my dreams for the unknown is an unearthly idea that I can never fully comprehend, and Im okay with that. In The Thinker's proclamation, I realized that dreaming is the essence of being open to the uncontrolled change in my life that would not happen if I do not have the courage to step forward in unfaltering faith.
Because, dreaming is natural, but to hold on to your dreams so tightly that there is no margin for change is the recipe for catastrophic failure.
What that looks like, doing and change? I have no idea. But, in doing change I am open to the possibilities while still allowing my soul to dream in a fluid and flexible manner.
And so, the 2016 adventure begins....
PROJECTS FOR 2016 ...two 52 in 52 photography series.
Still life photography has quickly over taken my photographic world, and I want to learn as much as I possibly can in the short time frame of a year. To do that, I feel the need to have a focus to keep me centered instead of hopping down any rabbit hole that comes my way. Therefore, one series will be a still life collection about a passion of mine, coffee.